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Update 2016:
Im gleichen Sinn wie bei dem Dialog weiter unten macht sich der Vortragende über die sog. Nigeria-Spammer in diesem Youtube-Video lustig: This is what happens when you reply to spam email.

Er empfielt auch anderen, sich den Spaß zu machen und auf solche Mails einzugehen, ich bin mir aber nicht 100% sicher ob ausgeschlossen werden kann, dass diese Betrüger hier irgendwo Freunde haben und bereit sind, sich zu rächen wenn man ihre Zeit so vergeudet.

Für alle, die über eine Suchmaschine direkt auf diese Seite gekommen sind, hier meine Absprungseite wo mehr über Scam Baiting steht und andere Aspekte dieses sog. 419 Scams zu finden ist.

It's October! In this spirit of Halloween, for this scam I'm trading my Tom Udo persona for Randolph Carter. If you're familiar with the works of H.P. Lovecraft, a fantasy and horror writer from the 1920s, you'll appreciate this, as I include a bunch of references to Lovecraft's "Cthulhu mythos."

If you're not, sit back and enjoy the ride as Randolph gets way more than he bargained for. In the exchanges below, Randolph's messages have blue headers, and the Nigerian Lad's are in red. To help you read through faster, the important parts of the Nigerian's are highlighted in red text.

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE" [david_ehi@mail.com]
Date: Fri, Sep 27, 2002 00:53:47 -0700
Subject:

Received: 63.109.249.170 (HELO twomails4378.com) (63.109.249.170)

Chief (Dr.) david ehizojie (SAN)
David, Ayo & Co. Chambers,

Compliments of the day to you,

Firstly, let me introduce myself, I am Chief (Dr.)david ehizojie the principal partner of David, Ayo & Co. Chambers. I have been in the legal system for the past 30years. Right now I am a gubernatorial candidate in my state. And I hope to become the governor of my state come 2003 election.

I am one of the founding members of the ruling party, People Democratic Party (PDP). The party leaders have unanimously decided that I should be rewarded for my long-term support and steadfastness for the course of the party. As a reward the party leaders have given me the ticket as the governor of my state, Delta State, which is the oil nerve center of my country Nigeria. In addition, it was also decided by the leaders that the party would be responsible for sourcing the finance for my election. The party leaders mandated the presidency to find a way of raising funds to meet with my political ambition.

The Presidency has given me a gigantic project with the Liquidifed Natural Gas Company (LNGC). I was told to get a foreigner who will be my expatriate partner and as a front for the project. This favour is given secretively by the Presidency therefore the foreigner, who has no connection with Nigeria, will front as the owner of the project. The project is to the tune of US$88million (Eighty-Eight Million United States Dollars) and a mobilization of 50% which is US$44million (Forty-Four Million United States Dollars) will be given for the project to commence. I have overestimated everything to reach the true value of the project and it's US$ 22 Million (Twenty-Two Million United States Dollars) with a lot of excess. All I have been asked by the Presidency to do is to provide a foreign company (that does not necessary have to be a company in the oil and gas field, it could be any company) that will be awarded the project and front for me. Once the project is awarded, the mobilization will be given to you.

If you are truly capable to handling the project, then you will execute and complete it, here in Nigeria. This will create a golden opportunities for an opening to establish your company in the oil and gas industry in Nigeria where money is flowing like a river. Alternatively, after collecting the mobilization we (me and you) can sell the project to any oil and gas company for only the true value, which is overestimated at us$22million. The remaining us$ 22million from the mobilization will be shared by us with a ratio of 75% to me and 25% to you. When the job has been fully paid for (normally half way through the completion of the project) we will give us$ 22million to the people at the presidency and us$22million for the leaders of my party. But if you choose to execute and complete the project the mobilization and any left over from he project is all ours and will be shared 60% for me and 40% for you.

I am unable to devoid information of the project for security and confidential reasons, but once I am convinced that you are capable and conscious of confidentiality I will then intimate you on all there is to know about this project.

The earlier I give them the name of the foreign partners the better, please do understand that time is of the essence here. You are to reach me immediately through my email box.david_ehi@lycos.com

Hoping to hear from you soonest.

Best regards,
Chief (Dr.) david ehizojie(SAN).

Date: Mon, 30 Sep 2002 08:15:31 -0400 (EST)
Subject: Your business proposal
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"

Sir,

Your offer intrigues me. By coincidence I have suddenly found myself in immediate need of a large amount of money. Please, will you be interested in accepting my assistance? I hope that I can be assured of confidentiality.

I await further details.

Sincerely,
Randolph Carter

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Mon, Sep 30, 2002 16:53:22 -0400
Subject: Response

X-Sender-IP: 63.109.249.170
Hello Randolph Carter,

Thanks for your email. Now that you have assured me of the confidentiality and your capability of handling this project, it is most important that I give you some load down on how we intend to achieve this project.

I will need your personal information such as your Phone number, fax and any other contact information so I can call you to discuss with you as it is unsafe to discuss matters on the internet. After receiving your confidential phone numbers, I will give you a call to have a long discussion for your perusal.

Your urgent and prompt response will be most appreciated.

Best regards
Dr. David Ehizojie

Date: Tue, 01 Oct 2002 08:58:12 -0400 (EST)
Subject: Re: Response
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dr. Ehizojie,

Thank you for trusting me and giving me the opportunity to assist you with this business deal. I apologize if my reply to you is somewhat long winded, but in the spirit of trust I feel it is only fair that you know something about me and my motivations. Please bear with me.

You have asked for my phone and fax number, and say that internet discussions are not secure. In my case that probably isn't true. My fax number is 1-253-xxx-xxxx. [My efax.com number] Incoming faxes are encrypted and routed to my email. I have an answering service that I use for receiving telephone messages: 1-877-864-2700, extension xxx [My ureach.com number]. My email, of course, is ----@hotmail.com, which I access securely. Currently, I'm traveling doing research, and don't have a fixed telephone number. I don't own a cell phone, and usually find myself in a different hotel or friend's house each night. Phone calls are therefore not secure for me. Thus, for next few weeks I have no fixed phone number, and you would do best to direct phone calls to my answering service. My address is:

Randolph Carter
137 Armitage Ave.
Arkham, MA 01972

Dr. Ehizojie, I work as an anthropological researcher with Miskatonic University, in Arkham. Recently, in the course of researching the belief systems of some obscure Polynesian cultures, I came across some fragmentary references to a god "Cthulhu." After more research, I found scattered references to Cthulhu in Egyptian, Mongolian, and several African cultures. I would ask you, since you are from Nigeria, if you're familiar with the name Cthulhu, possibly pronounced something like "Kloo-loo." If you are, I would appreciate it if you could send me any information.

My research eventually led me to a book held in the Miskatonic University library. "The Necronomicon" is a very old book, held in our rare books collection. It's locked in its very own cabinet, and the librarian is loathe to lend the key to anyone. Only my position as university researcher allowed me to convince him to let me peruse this tome. It's written in vulgar Latin, a translation of a more ancient Arabic book. The book contained several references to Cthulhu--in particular, in the odd couplet: "That is not dead which can eternal lie/And with strange aeons even death may die." The mythos described in the book implies that long ago, Cthulhu was banished--or thought killed--to the underwater city R'lyeh, where he lies dreaming, awaiting followers to summon him again to our world. The book also mentioned a peculiar chant, rendered into our alphabet as "Cthulhu fhtagn R'lyeh," used by his followers.

At this point, I had exhausted every reference at my disposal. But two weeks ago, I happened to travel to Innsmouth, MA, to do some research in the library there. There's a church there that seems to be an offshoot of some brand of Episcopalianism, called "The Order of Dagon." As I passed by, I heard from inside the church the selfsame chant I mentioned above. I waited outside for services to end, so that I could speak with some of the parishoners. Unfortunately, the few worshippers seem to have emerged from the back of the church. I tried to speak to the priest, but he was reticent to speak, claiming an engagement elsewhere. He locked up the church and shambled off to his car and sped away from the church. His appearance was odd--his eyebrows were nearly noexistant, and his eyes seemed oddly prodtruding and unblinking. Although not an old man, the skin about his neck was peculiarly wrinkled. He spoke with the trace of an accent I couldn't quite identify. Definitely a foreigner, but I couldn't quite identify his origin.

After this discovery, I began researching churches throughout this country, and found several others with names similar to "The Grand Mystic Order of Dagon." Apart from the names, I have found very little other information about them. Besides the one in Innsmouth I visited one in Kingsport and one in Norfolk, VA. I'm currently in Louisiana doing some research here on the Cthulhu or Dagon cult.

I think I've uncovered something quite interesting: a religion that appears to be active in today's society, but manages to slip almost wholly under the radar. My assisstant, Mr. Ward, is currently at work following up some leads with the "Church of Starry Wisdom" in Alexandria, VA. I think this is an incredible opportunity to study seldom seen belief modalities, and could result in my gaining tenure at Miskatonic University.

Unfortunately, Dr. Udo, the department chair, has tried to discourage me from this line of research. He has refused all department funding, and has tried to convince me to work on more traditional subjects. Thus, I have had to pay for travel for both myself and Mr. Ward out of my own pocket. I am currently on leave from the University and receiving no salary.

Thus, your kind offer of inclusion in this business deal could not come at a more fortuitous time. With the money I stand to receive, carrying my research forward should be no problem.

I hope you can see by my letter that I am an honest, motivated individual. Research is what drives me; not baser motives of greed. I have a small savings--about $30,000--that I am using for my research, a portion of which I would be willing to invest in this opportunity. If necessary, I'm willing to travel to Nigeria. I've never been there before, although as a graduate student I spent some time in Uganda and Rwanda.

Please excuse my long digression, but I feel it is important if we are to establish a measure of trust that you understand what an earnest individual I am, and what resources I have at my disposal. I promise you that future emails from me will be kept shorter and to the point.

What more do you require of me to move forward with this venture?

Thank you most sincerely for your time,
Randolph Carter

The Necronomicon, Cthulhu, Arkham, Innsmouth, Kingsport, R'lyeh, Dagon, "Starry Wisdom," and the names Ward, Armitage, and Randolph Carter are all very familiar to anyone that's read the works of Lovecraft. All this dope has to do is type them into a search engine and he'll see I'm full of shit.

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Wed, Oct 02, 2002 11:16:28 -0400
Subject: What we must do asap

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.161
My dear friend,

I am very sorry for the delay in getting back to you. As an aspiring gubernatorial candidate I was very busy the past week due to the fact that voters registration was taking place here in Nigeria. In this country it is very important for an aspiring candidate to be on ground during the voters registration. The ability to win the seat you are vying for is determined on how many voters E2 80 99 cards you are able to get on your side. Here, money does it all, I had to go to my state to mobilise a large number of people through my campaign team. We paid people to go and vote, collected their voter E2 80 99s cards from them after the exercise. This voter E2 80 99s card will be presented to our electoral commission during election. This automatically gives you, your victory as a candidate. You can imagine how much financial and human resource we involved to be able to get this success. My party leaders are very happy at me hard work and they are solely behind me, 100%.

I have discussed with my party leaders and our people in the presidency about your response and story. I am happy to inform you that they have all agreed on you handling this project as my expatriate partner. They have given me the go-ahead and their blessing to immediately commence this transaction with you. I did not explain your story to them because I wasn E2 80 99t sure if you would want that. But I let them know that you are a very serious minded person, hard working and trustworthy too. I was also able to convince them that you keep everything confidential. They have instructed me to go ahead and put all the necessary papers in place for the legalisation of your company into our corporate system as a company who has been doing business in Nigeria for some time now, coupled with all other authorization. You are to maintain confidentiality of this transaction, absolutely no one is to know for now except your very trusted associate. The Presidency has instructed categorically that we sell the contract to the company they direct us to. They have also told me to bring all the papers latest by Friday, for them to pass approvals for the contract to awarded to you. In this case you have to give me a company name or a corporate name with which we shall make claim for the mobilisation.

I must commend your discovery. It goes to show that there are still a lot of hidden mysteries in the existence of mankind. After the completion of this deal I will like to be a part of your team both financially and materially, to uncover the truth about this CTHULHA. I know this will be very interesting and educative. And a lot of travelling to different countries will be involved and this is the best form of education.

What is needed for us to do as a matter of urgency is to get you registered in the corporate affair system here in Nigeria. Before Friday so that we can meet the deadline given to us by the presidency. I have gone to do all the feasibility study of how much it will cost for us to go about this.
1} We need to register you with the corporate affairs commission (CAC) and backdate the registration to reflect that you have been ding business in Nigeria for a long time now.
2} I need to pay taxes for your company or corporate name for the past three (3) years.
3} I need to register you with the NLNG Limited and also backdate the registration at least three (3) years.
4} I need to get expatriate quota certificate for you.
All this I have calculated to cost us$13,000 (thirteen thousand united states dollars only). Time is against us, I need to get this done tomorrow so I can submit all the papers to the presidency by Friday. The problem now is that have US$5,000 (five thousand united states dollars only) remaining in my account right now due to the just concluded voters registration. My wife has promised to raise us$2,000 by selling her jewelleries by the end of today or first thing tomorrow morning. All that is needed now is us$6,000.00.

You are to make arrangement and send me the US$6,000.00 (six thousand united states dollars) as soon as possible, by western union money transfer with the following information of my personal secretary: -
TONY IBRAHIM
24 ERIC MOORE STREET,
LAGOS E2 80 93 NIGERIA.
Then send the receipt of payment to me tomorrow not latter than tomorrow morning. You are to note that as soon as the fund has been confirmed in you account, we will firstly deduct all expenses we must have incurred in the course of this transaction (like the above) from the total before we then disburse as agreed.

You are also to make all adequate arrangement for you trip to Nigeria in the nearest possible time. Please, I would not want you to go through the interrogations and waste of time at the Nigerian embassy in your country. I have spoken to a very good friend of mine at the immigration services here in Nigeria, who will help you secure a visa here in Nigeria. All you have to do is conceal (wrap it up well) and post your International Passport to me by DHL. When I get it I will take it straight to my friend who will issue you a visa, and them I will post it back to you the same day. Note that it is compulsory you get a visa before you come to Nigeria. Without the visa, you will not be allowed into the country. Tomorrow I will give you the information you will post your passport with.

After the registration, you will need to be present in Nigeria to attend the Contract Award ceremony, where you will be expected to sign the agreement and all relevant documents with the federal government of Nigeria regarding this project. After then you will also be required to go to the central bank of Nigeria to sign the fund released documents, prior to the transfer of the mobilisation fee of US$22million into your nominated account. This will not take more than two days to execute once you are in Nigeria. We will eventually sell the contract.

As soon as the fund is confirmed in your account, I will come over to your country for disbursement as agreed. Please call me on any of my direct telephone number: 234 1 7756622 or 234 803 3010264 so we can discuss further. You can also fax me on 234 1 759 4097

Your brother and partner for life,
Chief (Dr) David Ehizojie

He wants me to send my passport to him???? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, right.

Date: Wed, 02 Oct 2002 15:26:41 -0400 (EST)
Subject: Re: What we must do asap
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dr. Ehizojie,

Thank you for agreeing to work with me. I understand well the problems of getting elected in your country; it works much the same over here--"money does it all" indeed.

The $6,000 you ask for presents, in principle, no problem. I am curious, though, why you need the money sent via Western Union. This is very odd--I didn't even know they were still in business. In this country, and in others I have visited, money transfer is done electronically through the banking structure. Has Nigeria no banking system? However, I may not be able to get you the money as soon as Friday. I am currently in the airport in Louisiana, awaiting a flight to Virginia. As I explained, Charles Ward, my associate is doing some research there. In his last email to me, he detailed plans to go undercover to the "Church of Starry Wisdom" for one of their services, as he was unsuccessful in getting any of the furtive parishioners to speak with him. I haven't heard from him for two days now, which is exceedingly odd. Now, just last night I had a call from a Detective Sipowicz with the Alexandria police force, requesting me to come at once. He wouldn't say what it was about, but I'm afraid that Mr. Ward may have gotten himself in trouble. So I must deal with this in the short term, and may not get to wire you the money until the weekend. Please, I hope this causes you no difficulty. I shall endeavor to keep you abreast of the goings on here.

I am glad you are interested in helping me with my investigation of this Cthulhu cult. It's fascinating research. Before I was suddenly called away from here, I was interviewing a man named Nahum Gardner, who had in his possession a curious stone artefact. It's an unsettling image of a tentacled, vaguely cephalepodic creature, with writing on the bottom that reminds me of something I'd seen once in the "Pnakotic Manuscript." Nahum had traded for the statue once long ago on a sea voyage. He said the natives referred to it as "Kltoo-hoo," which he felt might indeed refer to Cthulhu. He has lent the object to me, avowing a profound disgust for it, and seeming glad to be rid of it. He also gave me the name of some people to talk to back in Kingsport, MA.

So, my plan, after I sort out the problem in Alexandria, is to return to Arkham, where I can more easily withdraw $6000 from my bank and send it to you, and then continue my research in Kingsport. Thus, for the time being I will continue to communicate via email. Travel to Nigeria should not present a problem, as my schedule should allow it, and I can perhaps do some research there too. My passport is currently locked in a safe deposit box in Arkham, so I'll have to wait until I can retrieve that to send it.

I am endeavoring to maintain confidentiality, although it's making me somewhat paranoid. I'm typing this email on my laptop, and I'm sitting in a quiet corner, making sure no one can see my screen. There's a fellow in a dark, formless overcoat that I thought was watching me before, but I think I'm imagining things. Like last night, I thought I was being followed back to my hotel by two shambling forms that I couldn't quite make out in the fog. Yes, this deal is definitely making me overly paranoid. Plus I didn't sleep well last night--I had disturbing dreams of dark abysses, cyclopian ruins, and an odd piping sound that seems to envelop me. Perhaps I've been working too hard lately. It will be good to be rich soon.

My flight will be departing soon. Time to send this email. Thank you again, and I wish you good luck in your election.

Sincerely,
Randolph Carter

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Thu, Oct 03, 2002 05:52:07 -0400
Subject: urgency

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.185
My dear Partner,

How are you doing today hope all is well. I got your email and there are certain things I want you to understand about being favoured by the Presidency, which is the highest office in the country. This is not only an upportunity but also the reason one was created, I mean to be able to become very successful and be a blessing to a lot of people. It is a once in a life time chance that should not be taken for granted.

I have always been known as Mr Right Time,because I tried my very best to alway work on time and be successful. It is because of the confidence the leaders of my party have for me that they choose me to undertake this race and project. I will inturn make sure that I dont disapiont them in any way, for continuity, who knows what they will need me for again, it might be a lot bigger than this.

You are the only miracle that can help me work on time now. The Presidency has already asked me to bring your papers by friday. As they will be meeting with the President himself for the weekend to get approvals for the project to be awarded and to whom. So if I am not able to get your papers to them by today it means I have failed the first test. For this simple reason I need you to send the US$6,000 by all means. The reason of me sugesting Werstern Union is that if you make the payment to day, I will get it that same day. If you are able to do it today I will get it today and pay for all the registration and legalisation of your company into our corporate system and backdate it. Once we are able to do this then the battle is won.

I want to use this medium to plead with you to do everything possible to send the money to me today by westernt union money transfer. If you are asked any question at the western union office, you tell them that you have just extended your research to Nigeria and that you are due there that is why you are transfering to your associate to put everything on groung before you get here. You also need to send me the reciept of the payment either by fax 234 1 7594097 or by attachment to this email box. This is all you have to do for me , leave the rest for me to handle. Once you retrieve your passport I will give you the posting information.

Your research is my research, my governoship is your governorship and we shall work together like this from now on. I trust in you and I sincerely hope you trust me too because that if our foundation.

I need your help Brother, waiting to hear from you soonest.

Yours,
David

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Thu, Oct 03, 2002 06:08:05 -0400
Subject: Mr Ward

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.185
Brother,

I hope that Mr Ward is ok. Me and my wife remeber him in our prayers. Please do let me know exactly what is up with him. Though I can not do much from over here, but I will pray for and be there in spirit.

Yours,
David

Looks like he's buying it so far. Not only hasn't this dope ever read any Lovecraft, I guess they don't get NYPD Blue in Nigeria either, or he would have recognized Andy Sipowicz's name. Time to ratchet up the drama with an untimely and mysterious death...

Date: Thu, 03 Oct 2002 12:46 -0400 (EST)
Subject: Re: Mr Ward
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dear David,

Please excuse my not writing earlier. I hope this message will explain why, and will remove any fears in your mind about your choice in me as partner. Please be assured that I will send you the $6000 at the earliest possible instant, but it may be Monday before I can get to a Western Union office. If only you would allow a bank transfer, I could do it instantly from my laptop.

I arrived in Alexandria yesterday afternoon and met with Det. Sipowicz. My associate, Charles Dexter Ward, has always been a brash young man, and I feared he might have been involved in a fight. Alas, the reason I was called here was that his body was found floating in the Potomoc River. David, I can hardly bear to type these words, for I cannot help but feel that I was somehow responsible. I was called to identify the body, as Mr. Ward had no immediate relatives. I have seen bodies before, but never that of a friend. Although the sight was terrible, I could not tear my eyes away. His face betrayed a look of unutterable horror, as though he'd stared into the bowels of hell itself. His skin was pale, and bore a number of curious circular wounds, that the Detective could not explain.

I spent most of yesterday and today speaking with Det. Sipowicz about our research and what Charles was doing in Alexandria. I gave him the address of the Church of Starry Wisdom. He sent another detective there to check it out, but when he returned, he said the address led to an abandoned warehouse on the Potomoc waterfront. No one there has heard of this Church, and Charles's notes appear to be missing, so I don't know where we was researching.

David, as you can imagine I am highly upset by this. I will spend the rest of today with Det. Sipowicz, and maybe tomorrow too. Then hopefully I can travel back to Arkham and arrange to send you the money this weekend. There are no Western Union offices here in Alexandria, and I'd have problems anyway as my credit cards are nearly maxed out.

I understand well what you say about receiving the favor of the Presidency, and the need for speed. I apologize in failing you. You are more than willing to place the blame on me. You can direct folks to http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A33177-02Oct02.html which has a story about Mr. Ward's death, although it contains none of the details of his research.

David, I have continued to maintain confidentiality as to our business plan. I mentioned nothing to Det. Sipowicz about it, or about you, as I feel it has no bearing on the case and is not relevant. I intend to continue withholding this information from the police, as it is none of their business.

I will write to you tomorrow and let you know how things are going. Thanks to you and your wife for keeping me and the late Mr. Ward in your prayers. I have to go now and meet with the detective some more, and afterwards maybe I can get some sleep. I didn't sleep well again last night, as I was again troubled by dreams in which I first thought I was flying, then realized I was FLOATING through water in an unilluminable void. I have a memory of seeing something which jarred me awake, and kept me from going back to sleep. I suppose now I'll sleep even more fitfully now that Charles' death weighs upon me.

Again, I apologize for not being able to fulfill my end of things as well as you would wish. Please understand that I continue to be enthused and eager about our business deal and will conclude it as soon as possible.

Sincerely,
Randolph Carter

I made up the URL. As far as he knows, it looks like I just typed the URL wrong.

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Fri, Oct 04, 2002 07:01:23 -0400
Subject: CONDOLENCE

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.156
My brother and partner,

I am so very sorry for the incident of Mr. Ward when I called my wife and told her, she was weeping. Sometimes one wonders what this world is coming to. Our prayer goes to Mr. Ward, that god will keep him in his blossom to have a peaceful rest.

I want you to try and put yourself together, be strong and do not be discouraged but instead do what mr. Ward know you for, and what he will expect you to do, especially carry on the wonderful work you both enjoy.

Try as much as possible to give the police less information about the discovery of you and mr. Ward until you are sure of the cause mr. Ward E2 80 99s death. Keep low and rest a lot. You must be sure of the cause of Mr. Ward E2 80 99s death before you can continue your research. Our prayers will be with you.

It will be better for us to wait till Monday for you to do the payment through western union. I have gone to our people in the presidency to try and delay their meeting till next week Tuesday. Let us hope that it will be possible. I want you to send me your corporate name (company name) that we are going to use in making the application for the project. It is this name that will be awarded the contract and paid the mobilisation.

Please do your best to get the money to me latest Monday. Also let me know when you have retrieved your passport, so that you can post it to me with the information I shall give you. I need to speak with you, so please call me or email me a convenient time and phone number I can call. If we decide to use bank-to-bank transfer, we are not sure of when I am going to get the cash in my hand, it might be to late.

Please take good care of yourself.

Your brother,
David.

Note: when you come to Nigeria, I will make sure you get a lot of massage and rest.

Hook. Line. Sinker.
Ewwwww! Who's going to do the massaging? Is he making a pass at Randolph?

Date: Fri, 04 Oct 2002 14:01:41 -0400 (EST)
Subject: Re: CONDOLENCES
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dear David,

Thanks to you and your wife for your thoughts and prayers for Mr. Ward. Rest assured that I am following your advice and telling the detectives nothing of our business venture. Det. Sipowicz asked me today about my future travel plans in case there are any new developments in the case, but I told him only that I would be returning to Massachussetts and that I might be traveling abroad to do research, possibly to Africa, but he made no further inquiries. That was this morning--he took me to breakfast to finalize a few points and bring me up to speed on the investigation. He has concluded with me, and I plan to go back to Arkham tomorrow morning, as I have one more thing I want to do here in Alexandria.

Still not sleeping well; I continue to dream of deep unplumbed abysses, of eldritch amorphous shapes playing blasphmous piping tunes, and hideous cyclopian ruins of black basalt deep below a sunless sea. And always the feeling of being watched. Mr. Ward's death is obviously a great burden upon me, and is producing these unsettling imaginings. Even at breakfast this morning with Andy Sipowicz I felt these odd intrusions into my reality. The man sitting at the next table provoked profound feelings of dread--something in his repellant visage seemingly familiar and alien at the same time, and the feeling lingered even after he left. Maybe I am working to hard, as I have these feelings more and more often. It will be good to come to Nigeria and relax. The hospitality of African people speaks for itself, as you yourself have shown by including me in this deal.

You have asked for a company name to use in the transaction: I suggest "Kadath, Inc." It is the name of a home based business I ran some time ago. I don't know a good phone number--I'm in the Holiday Inn in Alexandria, and don't recall the number off the top of my head (I'm writing you on my laptop in a park down by the water). I don't trust the phones there for security, anyway.

I must go now. I'm currently reading the one small notebook that Mr. Ward left behind. Det. Sipowicz gave them to me, as he says they appear to be research notes only and have to bearing on the case. Not sure what they all mean; he mentions a "shining trapezohedron" whatever that is, and names like Azathoth, Shub-Niggurath, and Yuggoth. He also mentions Nyarlathotep, which I recall from the Necronomicon. There's only one section written in full sentences. I can't make out all of it, but he writes of a "byakhee" and something about being bound by light, and then there's a mention of the "watcher in darkness". I don't understand, and it makes my head throb. After tonight I should learn more. Will write you tomorrow from Arkham.

Yours,
Randolph Carter

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Fri, Oct 04, 2002 14:53:31 -0400
Subject: how are you my brother

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.157
Dear brother,

How are you doing, hope you are not thinking too much. I pray that God Almighty give you the fortitude to bear this loss. Our prayers are with you.

I was able to get the people at the Presidency and they are prepared to do everything possible to move their meeting with President himself to early next week. If it will be too much stress to send the US$6,000:00 by western union money transfer, then you can do the payment through the Bank Account information of my Accountant:

BANK OF OVERSEA
CHINESE OFFSHORE BANKING BRANCH
TAIPEI TAIWAN
SWIFT CODE: OCCBTWTP001
ACCT NAME: AVS TRADING COMPANY
ACCT NO.: 026-007-02037380

After you make the payment you will tell your bank to send you the payment slip and send the slip to me. I will then take this slip to my accountant who will confirm the payment before giving me cash. Which ever way is more convineint for you is ok by me.

You are also to send your International Passport to me by DHL and send the airway bill number to me by fax or attachment to my email box. You are to use the information below for the posting of your passport.

SAMUEL TANKO IGBANA
C/O DHL OFFICE
EKO HOTEL SHOPPING COMPLEX (SHOP 1)
AJOSE ADEOGUN STREET,
VICTORIA ISLAND,
LAGOS NIGERIA.

I want you to remain strong for us. Please call me or send a mail to let me know how you are fairing. Waiting to hear from you soonest.

Your Brother,
David

Cool. Bank information. I know just the folks who can use that...

Date: Sat, 05 Oct 2002 12:11:30 -0400 (EST)
Subject:No Loss - For your database - Includes bank information
To: 419.fcd@usss.treas.gov "Secret Service Financial Crimes Division"
Hi,

I received the following message from a "419" scammer. You may be interested in it, as it contains useful financial information.

The rest of my exchange with him may be viewed at: www.geocities.com/steerp1ke/David_Ehi.html .

Sincerely,
T. Udo

[Enclose previous email message from scammer]

Date: Sat, 05 Oct 2002 12:27:45 -0400 (EST)
Subject:Re: how are you my brother
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dear David,

Just a quick message; waiting for my plane back to Arkham. No point in wasting your time telling you what happened here yesterday; i'm not sure i believe it myself. know now what charles meant by "shining trapezohedron." we thought it was just a simple religion. damnable cult. might be more truth than i thought in the Necronomicon. saw one of the detectives make the Voorish sign, can they be in it?

thank you for the banking information. i can't do anything with it as its the weekend. Monday will go to my bank and get my passport and transfer the money. $6000 is no problem, should have it by Tuesday latest.

didn't sleep much last night. kept the lights on. charles must have done that too, for the byakhee, but it was the Other that got him. no that's nonsense. my head is swimming from lack of sleep. that damnable piping sound--Azatoth and his amorphous idiot flute players? will rest on the plane.

thank you for your help, i hope to have things wrapped up soon and then i meet you in Nigeria.

Yours ever,
R. Carter

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date: Sat, Oct 05, 2002 13:34:42 -0400
Subject: please take good care of yourself

X-Sender-IP: 216.139.170.171
My dear brother,

Greetings from my wife and myself, hope you are well. Please try as much as possible to get enough rest. And I want you to keep your research low key, in other wards keep everything to yourself for now until things die down. I want you to know that our prayers are with you and no harm shall come near you. We await your arival in Nigeria were we would take good care of you and make you relax from all this stress.

Take care,

Your Brother,
David

This guy certainly does check his email a lot. He's replying back within the hour. Let's hope Randolph is wasting plenty of his time.

Date: Sun, 06 Oct 2002 16:56 -0400 (EST)
Subject:Re: please take good care of yourself
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dear David,

Thanks to both you and your wife for your kind wishes and thoughtful prayers in my time of need. You have no idea how it makes me feel knowing there are people such as you in the world. I sincerely hope I can find some way to reward you for what you're doing to me.

My apologies too if my last email was rambling--the effects of lack of sleep no doubt. I slept well on the plane, and had troubled dreams only once--I thought I saw a queer shadow that passed across the window next to me. I feel much better now that I've left Alexandria and am back in Arkham--it was good to get out of there. You see, on Friday afternoon I went to the address at which Mr. Ward had claimed the Starry Wisdom church was located. It was indeed a warehouse--empty by the looks of it. I snuck in through a broken window and looked around. My investigation yielded nothing until I went upstairs. Atop the warehouse was a largish room filled with chairs and a curious wide sort of lectern at the front almost like an altar. I could gain no clue here, but as I was about to leave I spied a small box hidden in a corner. Inside as an odd, bluish piece of angular glass. It looked like a cheap facsimilie of a jewel. I stared at it for a long while, my mind thinking in its sleep-addled muddleness of what Mr. Ward had written of a "shining trapezohedron" and its connection to the legends of the Old Ones. Clearly nonsense, and yet as I gazed into it, I started to have terrible visions. Wide unilluminable spaces, furtive shapes shifting across my view, and then suddenly it seemed as if I was no longer in the room, but floating. And then, most disturbingly, I felt as if I were no longer gazing at the glass, but that IT WAS GAZING BACK AT ME. I felt a cold presence enveloping me, and cried out. At that instant my attention snapped back into the room, and I found myself upon the floor. I had apparantly fainted, and had hurt my arm somehow in the fall, as there serveral small wounds where I must have hit my arm against something. I felt delirious and very afraid. I pocketed the glass and ran out out of the warehouse. I had intended to give it to the detective, but then I remembered two things. First, you told me to be circumspect in relation to my research. Second was something from Mr. Ward's notes, or maybe theat accursed Necronomicon. Something about the "Watcher in Darkness" and the gateways used by the Old Ones and how its best not to let Them know of your presence. I tell you, the study of mythology does not combine well with sleeplessness and stress. I was utterly terrified, and stayed in my room with the lights on passing a sleepless night.

I suspect that the dank, dusty, moldy warehouse reacted badly with my allergies and caused me to hallucinate and faint. It's amazing the way a good rest can give you a fresh perspective. The "shining trapezohedron" is nothing more than a badly cut chunk of glass or crystal, and sits on my desk. I shall most likely throw it out.

Sorry to bore you with this nonsense; I just didn't want you worrying as to my state of mind. Everything is on track for me to go to the bank tomorrow to effect the transfer and retrieve my passport. I suppose I shall have to look at flights to Nigeria. Where is the closest airport? I shall buy my tickets in advance to take advantage of the cheap airfare.

I must go now. There's a storm coming, and I had a computer destroyed by lighning several years ago. Looking forward to a good night of rest.

Yours,
Randolph Carter

I really do mean that. I hope this guy is justly rewarded for what he's trying to do to me ;)

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date:Mon, 07 Oct 2002 07:14:57 -0400
Subject: glad to know you are safe

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.151
My dear Brother,

I am very happy to know that you left Alexandria. One thing that I know for sure is that there are a lot of secret societies or cults all over the world. These are powered by certain evil forces which can only opperate in tha dark and secret places. I am very certain that you are about to uncover something very important, but you have to be very careful. If they know that you are close to uncovering their secret they will do everything possible to cut you short. That is why you must be very sure of the people you relate with as regards this discovery. Please take good care of your self and as soon as you are through with the bank, let me know.

I sincerely wish I could speak with you.

Waiting to hear from you soonest,

Your brother,
David

Date: Mon, 07 Oct 2002 08:17 -0400 (EST)
Subject:Re: glad to know you are safe
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Dear David,

Regarding secret societies, a few days ago I would have said "nonsense" to you--they're mostly weird harmless kooks. Now I am not so sure. I'm not sure about anything right now.

Yesterday I had been feeling quite good after returning to Arkham, I attributed most of what I'd seen--thought I'd seen--to an overactive, sleep-deprived imagination and an allergic reaction. But last night was the worst by far; very little sleep for me.

There was an awful thunderstorm. I was in bed, trying to sleep, and inbetween thunder crashes I thought I heard odd noises. It was quite windy, but I thought I heard a fumbling at my door and each of the windows downstairs. I got up, and peeped out, but saw nothing. Then I heard it again...this time a fumbling at the window latches ON THE SECOND FLOOR. I threw open the shade and again saw nothing, but suddenly there was another crash of lightning, and down below in the trees I saw a hunched shambling form. It filled me with dread and I quickly drew the shade again. At that moment I spied the piece of glass I'd brought back with me. The crystal seemed to be glowing, slightly, with an odd unearthly color. I looked at it, gazed into it, and again found my mind wandering to deep eldritch spaces.

There are some things that should not be put into words--that are best left unspoken of. I will not describe everything I saw there, but suffice it to say I saw Him dreaming in His deep watery abode. I saw a gigantic eye slowly open and gaze at me. There were other things, too. I wasn't sure what they were, but when I started from my dreamy gaze into the crystal, and after I had thrown it away from me, I consulted the xerox copies I'd made from the Necronomicon. What I learned was terrible and confirmed my worst fears. I think I know what Charles died of. Tell me, David, have you ever heard tell of a shoggoth?

My plans have changed. This morning, as soon as it opens, I'll head to the bank and send you your money. I'll pick up my passport too and overnight it. Please be sure you send it back as soon as possible. I will be leaving the country as quickly as I can. I think this Cthulhu cult is rather more than a simple religion. I believe they think I've learned too much. And indeed I probably have. More even that I've told you as I would not wish to endanger your safety...or sanity.

The weather is predicting another storm tonight. I pray the power stays on tonight as it did last night. I would not want to be left in the darkness. The byakhee--the Watcher in Darkness--is held at bay by the light. They know where I am now. Must have been probing last night. Damnable Necronomicon. I burned the copies and all my notes. Will throw the Cthulhu statue in the Miskatonic River today on the way to the bank. No, perhaps not the river. Somewhere on land. I have to send you your money and then plan my escape from here so that They can't find me. Have deleted your previous emails too. Can't be too careful. They're everywhere. Probably following me for a while now until they were sure. Taking the trapezohedron must have been the last straw. Must destroy it too.

I ramble. I must get dressed and be off to the bank. Will write you after your money is transferred. Thank you again.

Yours,
Randolph Carter

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date:Mon, 07 Oct 2002 079:1429:44 -0400
Subject: God is above all things

X-Sender-IP: 212.96.28.142
Brother,

I want you to know that greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world. Sometimes when we are faced with thinga we do not understand then it is necessary to put it in the hands of God almighty. I want you to be very carefull, I would not want anything to happen to you. There are evil forces, no doubt, but there is a power that is above all and that power is what my wife and myself has commited you to, so we are very confidence that no harm whatsoever shall come near you, if they rise up against you they will surely fall. All you need to do now is to be very carefull, make sure you do not sleep alone in one place, when it is night then go to where there are a lot of people, if possible sleep in a well secured and occupied hotel.

Another thing is that, you must take the shining trapezohedron and keep it in a safe deposit box, until you are ready to come to Nigeria. I want you to bring it with you to Nigeria. You know that a lot of people here are very experienced in this kind of matter over here, therefore when you bring it here we will consult the wise ones for them to tell us what it is and what you should do with it. Now that they know that you have it and they have not come near you but they have shown themselves t you, then there is an edge you have over them. In this case you must not take anything for granted. Keep the thing in a safe deposit box and also keep the key to box far away from where you are goimng to sleep this night, let us see if they are after you or they are after the stone. Which ever way we have to get to the bottom of this. I am very positive that this will put your name in the front pages for a very long time.

You can do the transfer to me either through western union money transfer to TONY IBRAHIM or through the bank account information I have provided for you. Once you are through with that then send me a mail to let me know or better still call me from any phone point. You can give any number for me to call you back, I realy want to speak to you by all means. Do not worry once I get the passport I will get it to the imigration that same day and have them issue you the visa and send it back that same day so that you can get it on time.

Everything is ok down here. I have just spoken to the people at the presidency and they have once again assured me that everything is going as planned. As soon as I give them the documents on your company name the will get to the Presidence himself and put in the papers for the Contract to be approved to your company. With this all that will be left is for you to come to Nigeria for the award ceremony. Please make haste with all the plans so you will come down here.

Please take good care of youself and be very cautious of everything around you. Stay blessed I know my God will protect you.

Your brother,
David

Oh my god. This may be the most gullible person in the whole world. I should be trying to scam him for money. I mean, I'm not even writing good Lovecraftian fiction here. You'd think anyone with an IQ greater than that of a bag of hammers would see through this. If I'd know the guy was this gullible, I would have planned out a longer story arc.

Date: Mon, 07 Oct 2002 15:21:40 -0400 (EST)
Subject:Re: God is above all things
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
David,

I'm so confused. Everything is going to hell. At least I was able to send you your money. Went to my bank this morning, and used the "Bank of Oversea" information you gave me. I had a hard time doing it. The bank president--it's a small bank--wanted to personally handle it. He kept asking me questions about why I was sending money offshore like this. I guess with all the terrorist activity recently they're trying to keep a tight lid on money transfers. I didn't tell him about you or our deal, but he kept looking at me funny. He really is the most repellant person; I'd met him before but never noticed his odd batrachian features. His eyes bulge out in a most disconcerting way and he hardly ever blinks. It took a long while to fill out the paperwork and answer his questions. Will scan the receipt in tonight and email it to you. Transfer should be complete by close of business tomorrow, and maybe even later today.

That's the good news. Bad news, I can't find my passport. Like I said, it was in my safe deposit box, but after I was done with the money transfer I went to my box (in the same bank) and the passport wasn't there. I don't understand. The only other thing in the box was some curious jewelry left me by my grandmother, and it was still there. Only the passport was gone. The bank denies any culpability and says I must not have had it in there.

I must tell you my suspicions: I think the bank president may be a member of the Cthulhu cult. I think he took the passport to prevent me from escaping the country. Not sure how he knew my plans. My email is secure and I change my password daily. The only other one that knows I'm planning on leaving the country is Det. Sipowicz. I remember telling him as we were having breakfast in the restaurant, and there was an odd man there. I think he overheard and passed the information on. They're definitely on to me. I dare not go to the police. Only one way to fight this thing. I am on my way to the library to have another look at that accursed Necronomicon. Have to face this thing head on.

I don't think I'll take your advice on the trapezohedron. My safe deposit box isn't so safe. Better to destroy it. Too dangerous. Gateway to the Old Ones? You say god is above all things, but I have read in the Necronomicon about Hatheg-Kla. There are Others to worry about.

Have to run to the library. Storm clouds are gathering in more ways than one. Let me know when the money shows up in your account.

Yours,
Randolph

Well, this looks like the end for Randolph Carter...

Date: Mon, 07 Oct 2002 22:48:44 -0400 (EST)
Subject:Re: God is above all things
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
David--

i don't know who to turn to. shouldn't have looked in the Necronomicon--forbidden knowledge. couldn't find a way to keep the byakhee at bay; am sure they're coming for me. bad storms again tonight, i'm not sure if the power will hold. every light is turned on in the house, thank god for the streetlights outside.

i know now what the trapezohedron is. should have left it alone, as I saw too deep. Worst thing is that It saw me--He sees out of the stone. Threw the damnable thing away, there's probably no way to destroy it. I've learned too much about the cult and worse still i know what they plan--how they will awaken Him. The Old Ones can return only when the stars are right, and they nearly are. don't know how to stop them, but they aim to make sure i can't meddle.

they won't launch an attack during the day, but now that it's night (nearly 11 pm my time) i'm sure they'll try for me. damn spawn of cthulhu. as long as the power stays on i'm safe from the Watcher.

I'm glad I could at least send you your money. promise me that if you win the election maybe you can influence the president and get him to talk to ours about this cult. have to be stopped before it's too late--before he awakes. maybe you can use some of the millions to help investigate. i'm not sure i'll live to see my share.

this storm is the remnant of the hurricane that hit the south coast of the US last week. it hit Louisiana first. I just learned today that Nahum Gardner, whom i was interviewing there, was lost in the storm. seems suspicious.

lightning is coming closer now. i've gone to battery power on the laptop in case the power dies, want to be able to send this. typing as fast as i can

don't worry, i've destroyed all our emails so you should be safe. nevertheless keep looking out for these guys. many of them have the same queer facial features--bulging eyes, protruding lips, a flabby appearance and shambling gait. you can tell if they make the voorish sign--the right hand makes a

oh god power is flickering that last lightning blast was close

just lost power

i looked out of the window the streetlights are out, all is dark except for the flash of lighning

it's over for me the Watcher in Darkness comes eyes of flame enormous wings terrible

And then, the next morning, just to make things obvious, Dave gets this message from NYPD Blue character Greg Medevoy...

Date: Tue, 08 Oct 2002 08:32:18 -0400 (EST)
Subject:Randolph Carter
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
From: Detective Greg Medevoy
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a detective with the Arkham, MA police force. I am investigating the break-in of Mr. Randolph Carter's residence, and the subsequent disappearance of Mr. Carter. Last night, neighbors heard a tremendous crash from his house. Thinking it had been hit by lightning, they investigated, and found damage to the upper story of the house. Police responded and discovered a large amount of blood in the upstairs bedroom, but no sign of Mr. Carter.

An examination of his computer, found turned on, showed that he had recently sent email to this address. I would be interested in any information you could provide on this case. Why was Mr. Carter writing to you? Who are you and where are you located? All information provided will be kept strictly confidential.

Thank you,
Greg

======================== =
Detective Greg Medevoy
Akham, MA Police Dept.
(911) 867 5309
====================== ===

And there things ended. Dave never wrote back. Is he scared? Or did he finally figure out his chain was being yanked? A few weeks later, loyal reader "Herbert West" took it upon himself to do a bit of chain yanking himself. Here's his result:

Date: Mon, 28 Oct 2002 21:47:48 -0500 (EST)
To: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
From: Herbert West
Dear Dr. Ehizoje:

My name is Herbert West. Please allow me to explain why I am writing to you. I work with the Computer Lab at Miskatonic University in Arkham, MA, where I was contacted recently by a Detective Greg Medevoy, regarding a laptop computer belonging to Randolph Carter. I didn't know Mr. Carter personally, but I had seen him now and again around our campus, and I was greatly surprised when Detective Medevoy informed me of his disappearance. There was no mention of it in any of the local newspapers.

In the past, I have worked closely with the Arkham Police Department, as my particular skill lies in what could be described as "forensic computer technology," and this is why they have gotten in touch with me at this time. I have the knowledge and ability to dig very deeply within the file structure of any computer, and retrieve items that the computer 's owner may be unaware of, that is, histories of web pages visited, e-mail correspondances, etc. If you can imagine, a history of almost every keystroke ever made on a computer exists somewhere within the computer itself. Det. Medevoy indicated to me that he hoped I could find any information which could shed some light on Randolph Carter's vanishing. This is what led me to contact you.

I have read the correspondances between you and Mr. Carter. Despite his assertions that he had deleted several e-mail letters between the two of you, I was able to search through several deeply embedded registry entries in Mr. Randolph's computer and virtually re-construct, or "re-animate," if you prefer, almost the entire sequence of e-mail writings between the two of you - only a few e-mails are missing, mostly the ones you sent to him, as these did not actually "originate" from his computer. I have not yet informed Detective Medevoy of what I have found, because I could hardly believe it myself, and wished to contact you first. Having spent some time now here in Arkham, I have of course heard "whispers" about the town of some of the things Mr. Carter shared with you, but every small fishing town along the East coast of this country probably has their own version of these tales, which I felt (previously) meant nothing more than to increase the allure to tourists. Now I am not so sure. As an outsider, or "flat-lander" as we are called here, there is a lot that is not shared outside of local circles, but I have begun to notice people fitting the descriptions Mr. Carter gave to you in his letters - bulging eyes, sallow appearence, unusually wrinkled skin around the neck areas. I guess that these people have always been around me, but it is only now that I have actually noticed them - a probable result of reading Carter's e-mails to you. I cannot imagine that these people would actually be increasing in numbers.

(Here's where I bait the hook...)

I eagerly look forward to finding out more about this. It would have to be on my own - I am not entirely sure of the abilities of the Arkham Police Department in the resolution of these matters, and I am beginning to hear some stories within my department of several of these disappearances prior to Mr. Carter, yet none have them seem to have been solved, and Arkham seems unwilling to enlist the aid of any Federal law enforcement agencies. I am fortunate, in some respect, in that I am able to travel rather freely: my computer abilities are in great demand, and what is essentially a hobby for me could be a very lucrative career, if I found such a thing to be necessary. My work at Miskatonic is pretty much in an advisory capacity, and with the recent decrease in University endowments, they would be unable to afford my salary were they forced to actually hire me, so I can come and go at my leisure. Believe it or not, I am able to write off my time spent at Miskatonic as charitable contributions! At the very least, I might drive down to Alexandria this weekend and see if I can pick up any threads of the story down there.

I know that Detective Medevoy will be expecting to hear something from me very soon, and I'm not sure how long I will be able to put him off while I have a chance to look around on my own. I'm not sure exactly what is that I hope to discuss with you, but I find the whole thing intriguing. I would also be curious to know if any other correspondance took place between the two of you beyond the confines of his e-mail account. I know that the two of you were discussing some sort of business transaction, but my interest in this is purely within the realm of these "secret societies" that Mr. Carter seems to have uncovered, and which may have unwittingly contributed to his disappearence and perhaps even to his death.

Sincerely,
Herbert West

From: "DR DAVID EHIZOJIE"
Date:Wed, 30 Oct 2002 11:50 -0400
Subject: hope u dont want the axe to fall on my friend

I WANT TO MAKE U UNDERSTAND THAT I DONT KNOW WHAT U ARE U HER TALKING ABOUT.

I HOPE U UNDERSTAND ME MY FRIEND.SO IF U DONT WANT THE AXE TO FALL ON U, U BRTTER BE YOUR SELF FOR ONCE MY FRIEND.

DONT U EMAIL ME ANGAIN FOR YOUR LIFE. LET TO BE YOUR FIRST AND LAST TIME U WILL THINK OF MY EMAIL BOXS.

BE YOUR SELF NOW OR NEVER OR THE AXE WILL FALL ON YOU.

No idea what that could mean. But it looks like Dave is so scared, he broke his Caps Lock key.